The 24th

Ah well.
Today was just a wee bit shit.

It is the 3 year mark since my dad died.

He's the one thats smiling holding the trombone :) 

I blogged about it as it happened 3 years ago.
No-one was remotely ready for him to 'transfer'
I'm still wondering what the hell happened.


But He's happy, I know.

Jake and I took a little cyclamen down to his memorial place.
With a flax flower jake made a long time ago, and a butterfly, coz thats me.

What do you say to a plaque?
Other than, over and over again, I miss you so much.

Each year, a little easier...
No, thats not the right word...



In other events my baby (the biggest one) was sent to hospital for an emergency appendectomy.
But that wasn't really the problem.
There were some other, most cyst-y blood-y issues.
We got photos and everything.

She is and always has been pretty brave.
Sometimes it's more US that has to be brave.

And...
there were the underlying struggles.

The ex. His girlfriend.
Always there.

I wanted to just growl "go away she's my daughter."
"For pete's sake, she's OUR daughter.
I'm sorry it happened on your weekend, and I'm sure you'll still say you love her and it was no trouble.
But you are still here, making me feel possessive."

Too honest?
Who cares.
SHE'S MY DAUGHTER.

I have always done the after care.
I am the one who gives her her meds.

It's just how it is and if you don't have kids of your own, you just don't get it.

Yes, I'm a bad person.
But I.Don't.Care.

I really don't.

I miss her so much tonight.

The 24th always sucks.

But, at least she is on the mend. It's not all negative (keep saying to self)
She never would have gotten to be 'looked' at unless her appendix was the suspect, so we killed 3 birds with one stone, so to speak.

Small victories.
Maybe they were big ones.



 Over and Out.